DVD : Conan the Destroyer

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Rating:

- Conan the Pretender
Conan the Destroyer is a painless but brainless and bland sequel to Milius' not-that-good-in-the-first-place pagan epic. The violence has gone, along with the ambition and pretension, leaving something that might as well have been shot in Italy in the early 60s with Victor Mature. Tracey Walter's comic relief is especially painful and it's a shame that Basil Poledouris, whose score was the real star of the first film, has to struggle with an audibly smaller orchestra this time, but there's some genuine fascination in Ahnoldt's drunk scene, at once inept and frighteningly convincing. And this man now has power of life and death in California...

There's not much to get excited by way ofextras: none of the deleted scenes (the film was trimmed down substantially to get a PG) and only a trailer and none-too-exciting commentary, though at least the film is in 2.35:1 widescreen. the MGM/UA French and German issues have two audio commentaries and a featurette about Basil Poledouris' score and the pulp novel roots of the films, however.

Rating:

- Arnies Best
If Arnie had not done Terminator, but produced a collection of Conan stories instead I would have enjoyed it.
This is the definitive Conan, magic, superstition, myths all concocted around a fabled past. So very good.

Rating:

- Conan the Destroyer
Not bad for your typical cheesy 80's flicks. The picture and sound isnt remastered though. Ehhhh it's only 5 bucks.

Rating:

- Conan the Humorous
"Conan the Barbarian" was an awesome Sword and Sorcery film. That movie is one of the few well-produced high fantasy movies in existence. The expectations for this movie were high given the success of the earlier movie. It was probably inevitable that this sequel was not going to be as good as the original.

Conan has gone back to being a thief. He is doing yoga or contemplating a rock or something like that while his annoying cohort in crime Malak (Tracey Walter, "Annie Hall," "Midnight Run" and "Batman") is counting the spoils. Armored guys intent on some nefarious purpose surround the pair and attempt to capture them. Conan is annoyed at having his yoga interrupted and decides to show his displeasure by hacking apart quite a few of the armored guys until Bombaata (basketball great Wilt Chamberlain in his only acting role) has the armored guys cease throwing themselves on Conan's sword. We then discover that one of the armored guys is actually Queen Taramisu - no, wait, that is a dessert, I think. I meant Queen Taramis (Sarah Douglas, "Superman," "Superman II," and "Solarbabies"). Queen Taramis tells Conan that she can bring back Conan's beloved and dead Valeria if he will baby sit a hot blond while she seeks a phal...oops, I meant a HORN, which Queen Taramis needs to do something that we learn about later.

The rest of this movie is a relatively fun quest, interspersed with moments of humor. Conan gets drunk, ignores Princess Jehnna (Olivia d'Abo) because he is too busy killing people and thinking about Valeria, and tries to avoid having to think of witty one-liners. Grace Jones has a lot of fun as warrior Zula. Mako makes his second, marvelous appearance in a Conan film as the Wizard Akiro. One person who deserves mention is André the Giant's appearance as Dagoth. It is impossible to see André under the makeup. André made a more memorable appearance as Fezzik in "The Princess Bride."

This movie is flawed. The special effects are weak in some areas. Some of the acting is weak or obnoxious. The humor may have been excessive, and the rawness that marked the exuberance and honesty of "Conan the Barbarian" is lacking. In spite of these flaws, many of which appeared to help aim the movie toward teens and children, this movie has a lot going for it. Conan has a lot of non-stop action, and rarely does Conan take much of anything, except Valeria, serious. The outdoor sets are incredible. Conan wisely says little, relying on lots of facial expressions and bulky muscles instead. The action drives the plot and rarely gives a viewer time to focus on the flaws.

"Conan the Destroyer" is clearly inferior to "Conan the Barbarian." However, this movie is still a lot of fun and I enjoy it each time I watch it. The flaws in this movie may make the movie less than what it could have been, but the flaws are not enough to sink it. I give this movie a cautious recommendation to fans of the original, high fantasy, sword and sorcery, and Conan.

Enjoy!

Rating:

- An action adventure movie whose faults (of which there are many) are now charming in their cheesiness
Filming movies back-to-back is nothing new, the obvious savings and advantages on sharing production costs, crew and even marketing meant that the second and third BACK TO THE FUTURE films were filmed simultaneously in the late 1980s. Even today the two sequels to PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN are being filmed hand-in-hand and there are reports that the second Daniel Craig 007 movie will enter into production shortly after the crew have wrapped CASINO ROYALE.
So, it should be no surprise then that the second Conan movie was part of a similar back-to-back deal in the early- to mid-1980s. But what is surprising is that the movie that partnered with the rollicking adventure movie was a quirky science fiction blockbuster from David Lynch named DUNE.
That's right, as that big-budget turkey was roasting under the Mexican sun, a pre-Terminator Arnold Schwarzenegger was working on a much more entertaining movie with a colorful cast of characters.
Based (rather loosely) on the series of novels by Robert E. Howard, this 1984 feature was a sequel to the much darker and more sinister 1982 movie CONAN THE BARBARIAN and saw Schwarzenegger reprise his role as the monumentally strong thief and adventurer.
The director of this entry, the veteran Richard Fleischer actually owed his hire for this movie to another movie he had made almost 30 years earlier, 1958's THE VIKINGS. Producer Raffaella De Laurentiis had commented that since they had tried to copy that movies style and look for the 1982 picture, why not hire that movie's director for this production - and so Fleischer was hired.
Once hired Fleischer set about shaping the movie to his liking. One of the most publicized, decisions he made was telling an incredulous Schwarzenegger that he needed to buff up a bit more. Fleischer said that at the time of the release of CONAN THE BARBARIAN he had been disappointed that Arnold's incredible physique had been covered up for most of the movie, Fleischer also consciously set about making this a lighter entry to the series. The Conan here has a number of genuinely comedic moments, from punching a camel, a horse and attempting to teach a beautiful princess how to wield his sword, Schwarzenegger shows early promise in a genre that would not fully be realized until movies such as TWINS and KINDERGARTEN COP.
Joining Schwarzenegger this time is Sarah Douglas (of SUPERMAN II fame) as the evil Queen Taramis who enlists Conan's help in retrieving a crystal and in turn a magical jeweled horn. Former basketball star Wilt Chamberlain is on board also as the towering Bombaata, who is charged with keeping the princess Jehnna, who is destined to bring back the mystical object (played by the impossibly beautiful Olivia D'Abo) a virgin so that she can be sacrificed. Along the way Conan's ragtag group meet up with Zula, played by Grace Jones. The scene that introduced Jones' character sees her wielding a stick against a group of tormentors and reportedly she landed a few strikes sending a couple of stuntmen in the hospital. It was in fact her role here that brought her to the attention of the James Bond producers that in turn led to her starring in Roger Moore's swan song as 007 in 1985's A VIEW TO A KILL. Far from a great acting display her character still provides a number of memorable moments and is one of the movie's highlights.
The special effects are very dated by today's standards and Pat Roach (veteran of NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN and the Indiana Jones movies) makeup as the wizard Toth-Amon guarding the crystal really is appallingly fake-looking. But the movie is a good popcorn flick that is both fun and fast-paced enough that you can easily forgive these lapses.
Interestingly in the audio commentary that accompanied CONAN THE BARBARIAN Schwarzenegger commented that he would be interested in making a third Conan movie. Sadly this has not been forthcoming and now that he looks intent on pursuing political goals it appears less and less likely. A shame.
This movie is nowhere near as good as its predecessor, but it's still recommended for those rainy Saturday afternoons.

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