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MISSING DIALOGUE FROM NEW SMALLVILLE/STAR TREK/STARGATE STORIES
PLUS: WHY EVERYTHING LOOKS SO STRANGE IN THE ERA OF CAPTAIN KIRK
Hey, everyone!
Here's the first of three reports from Cosmic Home Base.
This is just a way to give you background on the new Smallville/Star Trek/Stargate stories and hint at what lies ahead.
The end of the report explains why everything in Captain Kirk's video logs looks so strange and colorful.
Cosmic Home Base is a place where cosmic beings, taking the form of characters from our science fiction television, monitor altered timelines and altered universes.
Cosmic Home Base was set up by a consortium of the Q, the ascended Ancients, the Asgard, the Organians, and the Metrons.
As Cosmic Chloe Sullivan would be happy to explain: in the original Star Trek, the Organians were wise-looking old Obi-Wan-Kenobi-types who looked meek and weak. But they had the power to end the conflict between the Federation and the Klingons by making their weapons and equipment really really hot.
As Cosmic Daniel Jackson might explain it: The Metrons set up a fight between Captain Kirk and a Gorn, which looks sort of like a lizard man in a toga.
The Gorn may be related to the Visitors in “V” and the Sleestak in “Land of the Lost.” There's some resemblance. Probably when the Goa'uld were out seeding other worlds, they sent some Gorn to the Visitor home world and the Land of the Lost.
When Clark and SG-1 were busy fixing altered timelines and altered universes—much as Captain Picard's crew and the X-Men did once—Jack O'Neill said this of the Metrons: “The Metrons? You mean those albinos in togas? They look like kids from Smallville High.”
When told the average Metron “kid” was 1,500 years old, Jack commented, “They must work out.” Jack once said the same of Teal'c's mentor Bra'tac. That was when Master Bra'tac, though over 100 years old, knocked Jack to the ground.
That's what Cosmic Chloe and Daniel might say. What I say is: Even though this report is a little self-serving, I thought it might interest you.
TO: Senior Monitors at Cosmic Home Base
FROM: Cosmic Daniel Jackson
cc: Cosmic Chloe Sullivan
Hey, guys. Sent a transcript of a conversation Kirk, Spock, and McCoy had at the Beanery on October 7, 1947. Left out part of it.
By the way, you may want to keep tabs on Superbear's postings on the Smallville Message Board. We all pretty much follow that the way the Men in Black follow the tabloids for the latest alien news.
Here is the missing dialogue with appropriate description. It takes place right after Doctor McCoy mentions how only Spock could make desire sound like some kind of disease.
“I merely state fact, doctor,” Spock said drily.
McCoy suddenly frowned. “Wait a minute, Spock. When did you last have contact with a Vulcan woman? It wasn't when the three of us were on Vulcan.”
Spock sighed. “Thank you, doctor. I was trying to be tactful. Yes, T-Pring and I joined minds when we were seven. Recalling that event was not helpful in relieving me of the pon farr.”
Spock turned to Kirk. “I did not wish to embarrass or offend you, Captain. It was when I recalled our contest on Vulcan: the 'kal-if-fee.' That memory was, in fact, what purged me of the pon farr.”
“Glad I could help,” Kirk said with a smile and a slight shrug.
As he recalled their brief but intense combat in the hot thin atmosphere of Spock's home world, Kirk imagined soaring pounding battle music with clarinets and oboes practically screaming.
“Next time,” Kirk said, “I'd like T'Pau to warn me when it's a fight to the death.”
“Hopefully there won't be a next time,” McCoy said. “I may not be able to give you a shot of something that makes you seem dead.” McCoy's Cheshire-cat grin returned. “Spock was very happy to see you, though. Almost had an emotional display to bring down the house.”
Spock lifted an eyebrow. “As I stated at the time, doctor, it was merely my quite natural relief that Starfleet had not lost a gifted captain.”
“In a pig's eye,” McCoy muttered. He shrugged as he leaned back. “Well, at least you didn't have the symptoms you had on the Enterprise. Blackouts and temper tantrums.”
Spock frowned. “I do not have temper tantrums, doctor.”
“Then what do you call throwing a tray of food out in the hall?”
Spock's look was that of subtle sulking or mild embarrassment. Or a good Vulcan facsimile of such.
“Let's move on to other matters, shall we, gentlemen,” Kirk suggested hopefully.
Sorry about the oversight. But you may be able to forgive my little mistake considering the bigger crisis we face. I overlooked a small detail because I was busy looking at the big picture.
The thing is, guys, I've looked ahead on the timeline, and it doesn't look good. After this “United Nations,” regulates everyone and everything for about 70 years, Lex Luthor becomes Emperor of Earth. No, not just President of the United States: Emperor of ALL EARTH, guys.
That leads to a long line of Luthors as Emperors, interrupted only by the occasional Asian Empress and Tiberius. One of the Asian Empresses is the woman from Archer's Enterprise. You know, the one who became Empress in the Mirror Universe.
Her name is currently missing from the database. Not surprising. Even a database as advanced as ours can't keep up with this many altered timelines and altered universes.. That's a lot of data to store. And with You-Know-Who messing with our minds, we can't always recall every little detail.
Where was I? Oh, yes. All those Luthor-Emperors. Some worse than Lionel, if you can believe that. Although I guess Lex is worse than Lionel.....like Michael Corleone in “The Godfather” became worse than his father....why does everyone over 30 quote “The Godfather?”....anyway....
Where was I again? Oh, yeah. Mostly Luthors as Emperors of Earth. An occasional Asian Empress. And then Tiberius.
That's actually Jim Kirk, of course. Apparently as a way to channel his command ability, the simple farm boy from Iowa decides to take over the world. Has Spock to help him. But once Kirk is sitting in the captain's chair of the whole world, Spock prefers to be the power behind the throne. Much like in another reality Vice President Pete Ross serving with President Lex Luthor prefers to be the “guy behind the guy.”
I know it'a lot to take in, guys, but try to keep up. This is important.
The good news is Emperor Lex doesn't nuke the world like President Lex does in another reality. But we've got Luthors as dictators for hundreds of years.
That means we've also got the Legion in the 31st century—under Rokk, Garth, and Imra—as underground freedom fighters.
It's very similar to when a Vulcan named Surnak (called “Fred” by Jack O'Neill) was thrown back into Earth's past and collided with Joe Chill, creating a world without Batman but plenty of dictators.
“What is it with Earth and dictators, anyway?” As Wesley Crusher once asked the Traveler. (Not Clark as the Traveler. This Traveler is a guy who travels around into other realms. Hopefully, Wesley and the Traveler can help us with our alternate realities and alternate timelines.)
Oh, one other thing: Sometimes new arrivals look at video logs from the time of Captain Kirk and wonder if something is wrong. Something is wrong but it's not you guys.
When you look at the logs, you see planet landscapes that look like painted styrofoam on a sound stage, star patterns and phaser fire that look like cheesy special effects, and Klingons who look a lot like Earth men.
Q did that.
Yeah, it was kind of an adolescent prank, and none of the Q felt like changing it back. Needless to say, there were some very unhappy Klingons who really didn't like looking like “Earthers.”
Let's hope this “Captain Kirk in Smallville” timeline doesn't become permanent and that Clark and SG-1 cane reunite and get it fixed in time.
Any questions?
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