This is the story of a battle between Clark Kent and the Joker.
“Dude,” you say. “That'll take like two seconds. The Joker has, like, no super powers.”
Except this battle takes place in Clark's mind.
And this is no ordinary Joker. He's been given Q-like powers and abilities by members of the Q continuum who have gone rogue.
The Joker can now alter reality, much like the Q can bend space and time and manipulate matter.
This Q-Joker can manipulate timelines by manipulating people and objects (including the occasional Terminator.)
He can invade people's minds.
In this case he's invaded Clark's mind as he sleeps aboard a timemobile operated by Team MacGyver, a group which connects space-time transport tunnels to the Stargate system and....everything.
That allows the Q and the Ancients to send time-travel teams anywhere in space and time, using as their main vehicle the Guardian of Forever. Colonel Jack O'Neill, leader of the team called “SG-1,” refers to the Guardian as “that talking time machine from 'Star Trek.'”
For their time-teams, the Q and the Ancients have recruited TV characters who live on other worlds.
That's why Team MacGyver includes the guys from “The Big Bang Theory.”
(By the way, the Ancients are a group of ascended beings. Unlike a certain member of the Q, they do not visit the bridge of the Enterprise. Nor do they bother SG-1. Not even when asked. Except for providing technology in the form of phasers and tricorders, the Ancients keep to themselves.)
So Clark and the Joker are in this mind-battle. As the Joker has admitted, a Kryptonian is strong in spirit. But the Joker has still managed to wear Clark down, to get to him.
The Joker arranged for Joe Chill to fail in his attempt to murder Bruce Wayne's parents. (The Joker did this by having a time-traveling Vulcan crash into Joe Chill.)
As a member of the SG-1 time-travel team, Clark had to help undo that. It left an emotional wound, some anger and bitterness.
The Joker hopes to exploit that wound and turn Clark into something very dangerous.
As Clark fights this mental battle, the guys from “The Big Bang Theory” learn the secrets of a version of Chloe Sullivan, one who has visited multiple worlds and acquired unusual abilities.
Can she somehow help in all this?
“CLARK'S MIND-BATTLE WITH THE JOKER”
A SMALLVILLE/”BIG BANG THEORY”/STARGATE/STAR TREK STORY
(Seriously, is there anything else like this on the Web?)
Clark Kent could still remember how the Joker picked him up and threw him.
After a long and dizzying ride through the Stargate wormhole, with Clark roaring in protest, he found himself flying over Smallville.
Just as he was thinking how cool it was to fly (unlike when he found himself floating above his bed, which just scared him), Clark fell.
When he landed, he created a huge hole in the main street of Smallville.
But no one noticed.
That's because they were all frozen, locked in mid-stride.
It was like a scene out of “The Twilight Zone.”
And, Clark saw, they were all wearing outfits from that TV show SG-1 talked about, that “Star Trek” show.
As Clark looked around at Fordman's Department Store, at old cars, at the Beanery, and at the Talon (which was advertising a movie), he spotted something very strange.
Whitney Fordman.
“Whitney,” he whispered.
As if that weren't shocking enough, there were two of him. One carrying a rifle.
They both walked into the Talon.
Now the sign above advertised coffee.
Before Clark could move, he felt himself being picked up by an invisible force and hurled. Once again he was flying. But only briefly. This time he fell through the ceiling of the Talon and landed on a chair, which somehow did not break.
“Clark,” someone said. “Finally.”
“You're back.”
“Hi, Clark.”
“Clark Kent. It is most agreeable to see you again. You seem uninjured.”
“Yeah,” Colonel Jack O'Neill said. “Nice landing, too.”
As Clark sat up, he saw all four of them sitting at a table. O'Neill. Daniel Jackson. Samantha Carter. Teal'c.
“Guys,” he said. “The Joker is after me. He's trying to change me.”
“Relax, Clark,” Daniel said as he sipped coffee. “This is all an illusion.”
With his thumb, O'Neill gestured to a nearby table. Captain Kirk sat there in a gold sweater. Next to him, Spock, in a blue shirt and red jacket, played a small harp.
“Hey, Kirk,” O'Neill said with a slight wave, not even looking.
“Colonel O'Neill,” Kirk said with a grin.
Clark looked around uncertainly. “Guys?” he said. “Someone want to explain to me what's going on?”
“Clark,” O'Neill said. “You're probably wondering what's going on. Why everyone in Smallville is wearing 'Star Trek' uniforms, for example.”
“It's because you saved Edith Keeler,” Carter said with an almost mannequin smile.
“Yep,” O'Neill said. “Captain Kirk moves to Smallville. He talks in his sleep. That gets into a book by his wife. The book becomes a movie.” In the background, Kirk held up his he hands as he smiled and shrugged. “What do you know? Everyone in Smallville is dressed like people on the Enterprise.” Puckering his lips, he stirred his coffee.
“It's going to get worse than this,” Daniel said.
“Indeed,” Teal'c said. “The situation will become most unfortunate.”
“Hey.” A brown-haired grinning guy held up his hand in greeting as he approached Clark.
Clark almost glared. “Who are you?”
“I'm Peter Parker. This is my Aunt May.” The tall white-haired woman next to him nodded.
“I don't know you,” Clark said in a groggy voice.
“Oh, sure you do,” Pete said. “We went to school together on one of the other worlds. After my Uncle Ben died, my Aunt May decided we should move to Smallville. Turns out my Uncle Ben knew one of the Ross brothers while he was in the Army. I lived with Pete Ross and his family while my Aunt May was in a nursing home.”
Pete's grin got bigger. “Yeah, people were always joking: 'There's two Petes in the Ross family.' Or 'Clark is friends with two Petes.'” He smiled. “I was friends with Greg Arkin. Had a huge crush on Lois Lane.”
“Yes,” O'Neill said. “That's nice. Uh, Parker, is it?” As Pete nodded, O'Neill made a face as he pointed back and forth. “We're having kind of a reunion here.”
“Hey, guys.” The Whitney Fordman who had a rifle placed it on a table. The other Whitney, wearing a red and yellow letter jacket, plopped down at a table.
“Hey, Whitney,” Daniel said.
“Whitney,” Clark said as he stepped back.
“Fordman,” O'Neill said. “How goes the battle?”
Whitney-with-a-rifle, who wore all black, shrugged. “Baal's set up prison camps all over Smallville. But he hasn't won yet.”
“Indeed,” Teal'c said. “Unfortunately, Baal will subjugate this world as well.”
O'Neill pointed to Whitney as he whispered to Clark. “He's from one of the other worlds.” Leaning back, O'Neill shouted. “What about you, other Whitney? What have you been up to?”
“Not much,” said Whitney-in-the-letter-jacket.
Another figure walked into the room.
“Kawalsky,” O'Neill said. “Buddy. Good to see you again.”
The man nodded in greeting as his eyes glowed white.
Daniel rose. “Charlie Kawalsky, I'd like you to meet Whitney Fordman.”
The Whitney in the letter jacket rose, and the two men shook hands.
Sam Beckett, dressed all in white, appeared next to Clark. “Let's have a moment of silence.”
“For what?” Clark asked.
Daniel looked at him. “They're both dead.”
Teal'c appeared at Clark's right side. “Just like Bruce Wayne's parents are dead,” he said with a grim look.
“You killed them, Clark,” O”Neill said casually as he sipped coffee.
Backing away, Clark shook his head. “No,” he said.
“Oh, yeah,” O'Neill said.
“You did, Clark,” Carter said with a slight grin as she raised her coffee cup. “Just like you killed Lana's parents.”
Suddenly Lana stood in front of Clark, glaring up at him. “It's all your fault, Clark.”
“No!” Clark shouted.
As he took one more step back, Clark sailed through another Stargate wormhole.
“No,” Clark muttered from his Sick Bay bed aboard the timemobile.
Howard Wolowitz looked almost unhinged. “Sheldon's right,” he said. “Let's go home.”
Leonard Hofstadter made a face. “Back to your mother who yells all the time?”
“She's not that bad,” Howard muttered.
“Dude,” Raj Koothrappali said. “She's like Linda Blair in 'The Exorcist.'”
“That's still better than Zod possessed by Darkseid,” Howard mumbled.
“Not much,” Leonard said with a frown.
“Howard, it's okay,” Chloe Sullivan said. “When Clark, my Clark, got me out of the Phantom Zone, he also sent Zod into his own private Phantom Zone. He won't be coming after us.”
“See?” Leonard said. “Everything's fine.”
“Is not,” Sheldon Cooper said from his spot curled up on the floor. .
Leronard knelt down to talk to him. “Come on, Sheldon. Why can't you be more excited about time travel?”
Sheldon did not make eye contact. “I wanted to go to a Thinkaquarium with telepathically controlled dolphins. Not Belle Reve with a Terminator.”
Leonard squint-frowned. “That Terminator was nowhere near us.”
When he looked up, Sheldon had a slightly manic quality in his eyes. “I still don't like being in the same area as one. I'm a theoretical physicist. Not Sarah Connor.”
Sighing, Leonard stood up, “Anyway, Chloe. You were saying?”
“Yeah,” Chloe said. “Like I said before, I worked as a reporter for the Metropolis Inquisitor. That's when I put on the Doctor Fate Helmet. And once I saw the future, I knew exactly what I had to do and where I had to be. That's when I started visiting the multiple worlds and picking up all these abilities.”
“So what other worlds have you been to?” Leonard asked.
Before Chloe could answer, Angus MacGyver walked in. “Guys, we should be at Cosmic Medical any moment. Keep a close eye on Clark.” The two Men in Black guarding Clark nodded.
Sheldon stood up, looking fairly alarmed. “Wait a minute. Who's driving the timemobile?” He gasped. “Don't tell me it's Archie!”
“Relax, Sheldon,” MacGyver said. “He's got the Map in his head, remember?”
“Yes, exactly. He's got the Map in his head. For him, it crowds out all other thoughts. All he does is mumble incoherently about Betty and Veronica and Jughead and Reggie and Moose and Riverdale.”
“Hey,” MacGyver said. “I Mind-Meld with the guy. I like Riverdale.”
Sheldon wore a slight glare. “My point is Archie is practically catatonic. He can't drive.”
“The Punisher is up there with him,” MacGyver said calmly.
“I can't say that makes me feel better,” Sheldon practically shrieked. “What if he stuns Archie with his phaser just for fun?”
MacGyver threw up his hands. “All right, I'll go up there with him.” As he left the room with his hands still up, a door opened automatically, making the “whisk” noise heard on the Enterprise. Sheldon sat back down.
As he often did with his roommate Leonard lifted his eyes to the ceiling. “Sheldon, we're traveling through time. What are we going to do? Crash into Abraham Lincoln?”
“The Enterprise almost did,” Sheldon said. “Besides, we could pass through a black hole or bounce too close to a supernova.”.
“It's a timemobile, Sheldon. Not the Millennium Falcon.”
Raj sighed wearily. “Sheldon, just for once, could you think about someone besides yourself?'
Sheldon glanced over at the Sick Bay bed. “What's wrong with Clark?”
First Chloe glanced over at Clark then she knelt down to talk to Sheldon. “He's been through something pretty bad. It could take him decades to recover. Literally decades.”
“That's why he has to go to Cosmic Medical,” Leonard said.
Chloe nodded. “It's what happens when the Joker tries to turn you into the Hulk, the Green Goblin, and Doomsday. Which he's still trying to do.”
“Let's go home,” Howard said nervously.
“I don't like hospitals,” Sheldon muttered, chin on his knees. “They're full of germs.”
Leonard made another face. “They help Heroes recover from trauma. There are no germs there. Besides, it's out in space.” He smirked slightly. “Even your friend Adrian Monk would like it.”
Sheldon spoke in a lifeless mumble. “I only met Adrian Monk once. I told him he couldn't sit in my spot.”
“My point is: there are no germs where we're going!”
Sheldon tilted his head slightly. “What if some disease traveled through space, and it takes over my mind and I go crazy?”
“Little late for that,” Leonard said with a frown. He turned back to their guest. “But anyway, Chloe, what other worlds have you been to?”
“Worlds like you wouldn't believe,” Chloe said.
Nearby, Clark groaned.
Chloe knew the battle was getting worse.
In his mind-battle with the Joker, Clark was lying on a bed in Sick Bay. Other rooms floated above him. The bridge of the Enterprise. The kitchen from his family's farm.
O”Neill was beside his bed. .
“Hey, Clark,” he said, gesturing with his thumb.
Clark saw he was flanked by two people. One looked like his dad, the other his mom.
“This is fake Jonathan and fake Martha,” he said. “They look exactly like your parents.”
Fake Jonathan spoke with a light laugh in his voice. “Come on, Colonel O'Neill. I'd say we're a lot more than that.”
“We act like them, too,” fake Martha insisted politely. “Talk like them.”
Groggy and disoriented, Clark turned his head. At the table in the Kent kitchen were Kirk and Spock. , Dressed in a gold sweater, black pants, and black boots, Captain Kirk sat away from the table with his legs crossed. He gsve Clark an urgent intense look.
“Come on, Clark,” he said. “Fight this.”
Next to him was Spock. Leaning over, one ear to gold strings, Spock played a small harp.
Clark looked away from the scene. A guy in a blue shirt leaned over him. That Doctor McCoy guy, Clark realized.
A brown-haired woman directed a small bright light at Clark's eyes.
“Ol' Doc Frasier,” O'Neill said sharply. “Now I ask you: What could possibly be in his eyes that would explain all this?”
“Just do what you can, Janet,” McCoy said.
Janet Frasier leaned over Clark and spoke directly into his face.
“Listen to me, Clark,” she said. “You can fight this thing. Just focus on good thoughts, good memories. Good things.”
McCoy attempted to use a hypospray. “Won't penetrate that thick skin of his,” he muttered. “Nurse Chapel, get me some kryptonite.”
“Right here, doctor.” Nurse Chapel placed a glowing green rock on Clark's chest. Then, using a pair of scissors, she began to cut Clark's blue shirt.
Now Spock leaned in toward Clark, fingers on his face. As Clark groaned and squirmed, Lionel Luthor towered over him.
“I just need to know one thing, Mister Spock,” Lionel said. “Clark Kent: where is he from?”
“I seek that answer as well,” Spock said.
“You have to fight this thing,” Martha shouted urgently from behind the small crowd.
“Yeah, Clark, you can beat this.” Peter Parker stood with his arm around Aunt May.
With both hands on her purse, Aunt May leaned forward.
“You do too much,” she said. “You're not Superman, you know.”
“Actually, he is,” Daniel Jackson said with his arms crossed..
“Not yet,” O'Neill said as he leaned casually against a wall. .
“Jack,” Daniel said in a quiet warning voice.
Now fake Jonathan shouted from somewhere. “Clark, this is all part of the insanity. Fight it.”
A blond woman in red stepped forward. “Just do what you can, sweetie,” she said.
When he saw the beehive hairdo with a braid over the forehead, McCoy gave a slight start.
“Oh, sorry,” he said. “I thought you were Yeoman Rand.”
The tan blond woman responded with a cheerful smile. “Nope, doc. It's just me.”
McCoy practically scowled as he looked at Clark. “It's because of you I'm at the Smallville Medical Center practicing medieval medicine.”
“Glad to hear it,” Clark groaned.
O'Neill stopped leaning against the wall and stood up straight. “Well, look who's here,” he said.
“Hello.” A bald man in red extended his hand. Clark found he couldn't lift his hand. “I'm Captain Jean-Luc Picard. This is Lieutenant Commander Data.”
Clark had met the gold-skinned android before, or at least some version of him. This Data was different. He was like Two-Face. Half his face was composed of shiny silver metal with jagged lines..
“I am very unhappy to meet you,” Data said.
Picard chuckled lightly. “You'll have to excuse our Bizarro-Data. He sometimes gets things backwards.” Turning to the android, Picard spoke gently and patiently. “Data, what you mean is you are very happy to meet them.”
An unblinking Data turned his head slightly left and right.
“Me stand corrected,” he said.
“I stand corrected,” from Picard.
Data tilted his head slightly. “Do you, sir? May I ask: in what area do you stand corrected?”
“Who's on first?” O'Neill said, shaking his head slightly with eyebrows up..
With her head bobbing slightly, Lana also raised her eyebrows. “Very impressive,” she said sweetly.
Lana then turned into a woman dressed all in black. When she spoke, she revealed fanged teeth. “Oh, sweetie, this isn't a movie.” She raised a green kryptonite knife. “But if it was, this would be your death scene.”
Fake Jonathan grabbed her wrist and held it in place.
Lana in a hospital gown appeared, and she also had a green kryptonite knife.
“I'll finish him off,” she said but Data grabbed her wrist.
“Get in line,” someone said. Tina Greer stepped out of the viewscreen on the bridge of the Enterprise. Only she had pale skin with black lines. Like that of a corpse. Like the girl in “The Ring.”
Looking at Clark with racoon-ringed eyes, Tina said, “You killed me, too, Clark. All you do is bring death and destruction.”
Fake Jonathan waved his free hand. “All right, that's it. Everyone out.” He nodded to two guys in red shirts. “Guys? Get them out of here.”
Two men in red shirts herded Tina Greer and the two Lanas out of the room.
Clark struggled to lift his head. “Who are they?”
“Oh, them?” McCoy said. “Those are two of our security officers. They died because Jim, Spock, and I never came back through the Guardian of Forever.” He leaned in with a fierce look. “Thanks to you, brother! And your cockamamie rescue of Edie!”
Fake Jonathan waved both hands. “All right. Get everybody out of here.”
Four guys in red shirts stepped forward. The tall one looked like a praying mantis with the haircut of Astro Boy. All four guys wore name tags. .
“I don't want to be a red shirt,” Howard complained.
“I don't want to be here at all,” Sheldon said.
“We all know what happens to red shirts,” Howard grumbled in a low voice. .
Raj simply smiled at Nurse Chapel while Leonard said, “Guys, can we just go, please?”
Transporter energy took away the entire crowd.
It was just Clark and the man who looked like his father.
“Clark, listen to me,” fake Jonathan said. “I'm going to put something inside you. It will allow you to vividly relive parts of your early years. It'll help you fight this thing the Joker is trying to do to you.”
Too numb to respond, Clark listlessly stared off to the side with a blank look on his face. Fake Jonathan put both his hands on Clark's chest. His hands emitted a brilliant yellow glow.
Clark was swallowed up in that glow.
“I've been to all kinds of worlds,” Chloe said. She noticed as the unconscious Clark twitched slightly.
“Like where? Tell me,” Leonard said.
“Well,” Chloe said. “On one world, the Kents raised Clark along with help from a scientist, and Clark became part of a government super-team.”
Tilting his head back slightly, Leonard frowned. “The Suicide Squad?”
“Nope,” Chloe said. “Ever heard of the Avengers?”
“Huh,” Leonard said.
Sheldon slowly rose. “Movie version or comic book version?”
Leonard gave him a look. “What difference does it make?”
“Well, there are differences,” Sheldon said with mild impatience. “The movie doesn't have Ant-Man or the Wasp.” His head bobbed slightly as he faced Chloe. “So movie or comic book?”
“A little of both,” she said. “On another world, a super-powered Lana takes out Zod and the Kandorians. Then she ends up ruling the world.”
“Hmm,” Raj said. “I wonder if that super-Lana could take on Zod possessed by Darkseid.”
“A super-Lana,” Howard said with a distant dreamy look “She can be queen at my side any day.”
“Okay,” Chloe said with a slight frown. “You realize when you talk like that you sound like Lex Luthor.”
Howard assumed the “come-hither” look of a lounge singer. “Is that good? Do you like that?”
“Not so much,” Chloe said.
“Too bad about Lana on that world,” Raj said then drank more Romulan ale.
“Yeah. That doesn't sound like her,” Leonard said with a grimace. .
“We all have our dark side,” Chloe said. “That Lana is like a lot of other people. She thinks she can run everything and control it all. That she knows what's best for everyone.”
“Oh,” Sheldon said as if he just had a bright idea. “If I had the powers of the Joker, I'd alter universes for the better. In lots of nice ways.”
Leonard wince-frowned. “Just what we need. A giant Sheldon going around altering universes.”
Sheldon grinned blithely. “They'd be nice clean orderly universes, Leonard.”
“I'm sure they would be,” Leonard said.
“So, Chloe,” Raj said. “Where else have you been?” He smiled as his eyebrows twitched. “Met anyone famous?”
“Baal,” Chloe said. “Baal is very important in all this.”
Inside the mind of Clark Kent, Sick Bay was gone.
Instead, Clark floated in a small white limbo. A limbo shaped like a Kryptonian shield. Dressed in his usual red jacket and blue shirt, Clark was curled up in a fetal position.
He was then deposited into a small spaceship where he turned into an infant. From there, he experienced the world as an infant.
First, he watched as the ship's hatch closed like a series of dark ribbons. As the infant-Clark was engulfed in darkness, he heard his biological mother Lara say, “Goodbye, my sweet Kal-El.”
Clark slept.
When the boy-Clark arose from his three-year slumber, he walked out of the open spaceship. Kept in suspended animation for three years, Clark was alert, bright, and cheerful.
But something interfered with his memory. He saw flashes of green and purple, caught glimpses of a floating clown face, and heard hideous shrieking laughter off in the distance.
As little Clark walked toward the upside-down red pickup truck, it was like he was seeing through gauze. And when his parents talked, all Clark made out was something about how kids don't just fall out of the sky, Martha. Otherwise, when his parents talked, it was all drowned out by a loud pounding heartbeat.
Things became more vivid when he sat in the pickup with his parents and Lionel. A young Lex sat on Lionel's lap. Lex had just a wisp of red hair on his bald head, and his eyelids fluttered. When Lex fully opened his eyes, young Clark reached out and touched his head. When he did, Lex closed his eyes.
Then Clark was at home, sitting on the kitchen floor playing with a red and blue toy rocket.
Sheriff Ethan stood in the room.
“You framed my dad!” Clark shouted from the kitchen floor. Even though he was only a boy, Clark spoke in an older more powerful voice.
Daniel Jackson appeared in a great white glow. “Clark, you have to be careful. You have to control your anger.”
An unseen O'Neill spoke up. “Who are you, Daniel? Yoda?”
Daniel wore his most intense look. “Fight this thing, Clark. You've got to fight this thing the Joker's put inside you.”
“Clark!” fake Jonathan shouted. Also unseen, he sounded far away. The little-boy-Clark looked up at the ceiling, his head moving back and forth, his eyes wide and expressive. “The Joker's put something very dangerous inside you. If you're not careful, you'll release it.”
Clark saw floating heads, green and gray. Little-boy-Clark nodded his head then he smiled as he hugged his mother's legs.
Then Clark, as a boy, was lifting a huge oak bed over his head as his gaping father stared up at the sight.
Clark was then in the truck with his parents as they sat outside a building. His mother, holding him with one arm as she brushed his hair with her other free hand, sounded sad.
“Here we are,” she sighed.
His father turned off the car engine, and they just sat there.
Finally his father nodded toward the building. “This is a doctor scientist who should be able to help.”
“Yes,” his mother said with a tear in her voice. “But you know, if we leave him there, they're going go want to keep him.”
His father thought for a moment then he stared the car.
“You're right,” he said. “Let's go home.”
Later Clark was telling his mother how he didn't want to go to school because he was afraid she wouldn't be there when he got back. But each day he returned from school and there she was, kneeling down, big smile on her face, arms extended to give him a hug.
Yeah, Clark thought as he felt his mother's embrace. Of course. I was afraid of losing my mom because of the way I got separated from my birth mom Lara.
As his mother faded away, Clark saw his father holding out a baseball.
“Here's your ball, son. Spent days walking through the fields. Finally found it.”
Clark remembered sending the ball so high it was almost like it went into orbit.
And then he and his dad were playing tag, and Clark ran faster than he had ever run before.
He found himself in the middle of Palmer Woods, completely lost and alone. Confused and frightened, young Clark wandered around in a small circle, looking up at the sky with tearful eyes.
Eventually he heard Sheriff Ethan call out to him.
“I'm here,” Clark called back in a tearful voice.
Next to the flashing lights of a patrol car, Clark put his arms around his crying mother.
“Is there something wrong with me?” he asked in a small quivering tearful voice.
She held him closer. “No,” she said with a quiet choke. “There's nothing wrong with you. You're just special. You're my special boy.”
The Joker appeared, pointed his finger, and laughed loudly.
After that, everything accelerated. Clark caught quick flashes of his life that went by in a rapid blur. The accident on the Loeb Bridge. Being the scarecrow. Developing X-ray vision. Lana going for a swim. Developing heat vision. Throwing a tractor through the air. Running from Perry White.
Meeting SG-1. Working with Jack Bauer. Taking on a Darkseid-possessed Lionel Luthor. Taking on a Terminator. Taking on super-soldiers. And Borg. Tearing apart a lot of Terminators.
“What's the matter, Joker?” Clark mumbled. “Got nothing new?”
But even as he spoke, Clark watched his life go by in a series of flashes. Going crazy on Vulcan. The time-blast. Stopping that bank robbery. Ending up in that alley. The Joker trying to turn him into the Hulk, the Green Goblin, and Doomsday.
Rescuing Edith Keeler.
That's when everything slowed down. The Joker appeared. Waving his hands in a great flourish, he gestured to a curtain. The curtain opened, and there was Clark holding Edith Keeler in his arms.
“Thank you,” Edith said as Clark placed her gently on the ground.
“No problem,” Clark said with a smug grin.
“Young man,” Spock said grimly. “You do not realize what you have done.”
That Kirk guy was there along with that Doctor McCoy guy.
“Who are you?” Kirk asked.
“Clark Kent,” he said proudly with a big smile. “From Smallville.”
In that moment, he realized what he had done. SG-1 had taught him just enough about “Star Trek” so that he knew---
“I've said too much, done too much,” Clark said, and he ran off at super-speed.
As he ran, his arms began to turn big and green.
A glowing Jonathan appeared to him.
“Clark,” he said in that firm almost commanding way. “You've got to fight this.”
For a moment, Clark was able to focus. He thought of when he stood outside the spring formal. Lana waved to him from a red pickup. Clark held up his hand in a frozen wave.
Clark stopped running. His arms were back to normal.
But now he was somewhere else.
A wilderness with sandy hills.
The Joker spread out his arms.
“Welcome to the Phantom Zone, Clarkie-boy,” he said. The three figures were there with him. The Hulk. Green Goblin. Doomsday.
But now there was one more. A Klingon.
The Joker drew a circle with a gloved finger.
“When I do turn you,” he said with a sinister grin, “I've decided to add one more ingredient. A Klingon. Koloth.”
The bearded figure in gray and black stood with his hands on his hips. “I want an apology addressed to the Klingon High Council,” he said as he lifted his bearded chin.
“And one other thing, Clark,” the Joker said in a nails-on-chalkboard voice. “When I give you Hulk arms, they'll be stretchy Hulk arms. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, TIMEMOBILE!”
With both hands, the Joker stretched out a long thin piece of pink bubble gum, which made a noise like a balloon losing air. Then it popped out of sight. .
Cackling, the Joker put on his big yellow smile then pointed a gloved finger.
“TO THE FUTURE!” he shouted.
With the Joker's hysterical laughter pounding in his head, Clark sailed through another Stargate wormhole.
NEXT EPISODE
CLARK, KAHN, ZOD, BAAL, LEX, AND LANA
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