Clark Kent is in a mental battle with the Joker.
If the Joker can get Clark upset enough, he can turn Clark into something very dangerous.
While this battle goes on, the guys from the TV series “The Big Bang Theory” learn the secrets of a Chloe Sullivan who has visited multiple worlds.
Chloe tells them about a dangerous figure who will be very important in the future.
“CLARK, KAHN, ZOD, BAAL, LEX, AND LANA”
A SMALLVILLE/”BIG BANG THEORY”/STARGATE/STAR TREK STORY
“Baal?” Leonard Hofstadter said. “I've heard S-G-One talk about him. He's one of the System Lords. He takes control of people through Goa'uld symbiotes.”
“Yeah,” Chloe Sullivan said. “Well, this Baal is a lot worse. He's been to a lot of the multiple worlds, and he's picked up all kinds of strange abilities along the way. While doing that, he set up prison camps in Smallville on one world.”
“Let's go home,” Howard Wolowitz said.
“I wish you could,” Chloe said. “But you guys are very important in all this. And you'd be surprised, Howard. Anyone can be a hero. When Baal set up those prison camps, Whitney Fordman led a revolt against him.” She laughed lightly. “I can just see him holding up his rifle shouting, 'CRO-O-O-OWS!'”
Though she smiled briefly, Chloe then turned very serious. “You know this new timeline Clark accidentally created? Baal is going to play a major role in that. Along with some other major baddies.”
She sighed. “That's why it's important we get Clark to Cosmic Medical. So he can help change the timeline back. Otherwise, in this strange new reality things will get very bad. For everyone.”
Raj Koothrappali looked like he was thinking very hard. “Hey, we're in a timemobile. Why don't we just go back and change the timeline ourselves?”
Leonard shook his head. “It doesn't work that way, Raj.”
“Yeah, sorry ” Chloe said. “Whoever changed the timeline has to be brought back to the point of the time change. That's why we have to get Clark back with S-G-One. Eventually.”
“Still,” Raj said with a smile. “I'm in a timemobile. This is a timemobile. I love to say 'timemobile.'”
Leonard grinned and nodded. “That's the spirit, Raj.”
“And I got to meet Millie the Model,” Raj said with a big smile.
“And you couldn't say a word to her,” Howard noted drily. Raj mock-pouted by expanding his lower lip then he broke out with another big smile.
“The thing is Clark and S-G-One are now on a deadline,” Chloe said. “If they miss that deadline, the Smallville/'Star Trek' timeline becomes permanent.”
From his seat on the floor, Sheldon Cooper looked mildly curious. “What's a Smallville/'Star Trek' timeline?”
“Oh,” Leonard said. “That's a timeline where Captain Kirk lives in Smallville.”
“All because Clark saved Edith Keeler,” Chloe said.
“And everyone in Smallville is wearing Starfleet uniforms now,” Leonard said.
Sheldon lit up. “Oh! I'd like to see that.”
Leonard smirked. “Well, if you're really good, we'll let you see it.”
“Oh, boy!” Sheldon exclaimed.
“And you can meet Spock, too,” Leonard said.
“Oh, boy!”
Howard leaned in toward Raj. “Finally, Sheldon is happy about something.”
“And someone knows things Sheldon doesn't,” Raj said.
With a slight glare, Sheldon turned toward them. “I heard that! I've been busy.”
“Busy doing what?” Raj sneered. “Not helping?” He waved the flask. “You know what? Sometimes people say they believe in certain ideas but don't really live them.” He waved the flask some more. “Mark Twain once said, 'People are equally horrified when Christian morals are questioned. Or practiced.'”
Howard took away his flask. “When you drink too much, you start throwing out ideas for no reason.”
“I still can't believe Lana took over that one world,” Leonard said with a grimace.
Chloe shrugged. “There's a little Joker in each of us.”
In the background, Clark Kent groaned softly as he lay on his Sick Bay bed.
“You know what, guys?” Chloe said. “I think I'll sit with Clark for a while.”
As she sat next to the Sick Bay bed, Chloe brushed Clark's hair with her hand.
“You're so much like my Clark,” she whispered. She laughed lightly and softly. “It's funny. When Whitney was leading his revolt against Baal, there was always this guy super-speeding in like a blur and knocking out all the guards.
“You don't care who gets the credit, do you?” she asked quietly. “You're a hero on any world, Clark Kent. And we need you now more than ever.” She leaned in toward him and whispered. “Fly back to us.”
She saw the way Clark began to toss and turn.
She knew.
For Clark, this was the worst part of the battle.
In his mind, Clark Kent made a successful landing.
Clark was on one knee, looking around at this new place, this room.
There was a Stargate at the center of it. Clark saw escalators leading towards the ramp to the Stargate. It was like he was in some strange mall.
Teal'c stood next to the dial-in device. Clark saw Lana approach him from behind. Clark tried to shout a warning but his voice was gone. As Teal'c turned, Lana used her spin kick, grabbed his staff weapon and zapped him.
O'Neill. Carter. Daniel. They were all there.
Each one ran toward the Stargate. Lana fired her staff weapon at them. Each one flew through the air, arms extended. Each one fell to the ground. None got up.
As Clark stared, a Klingon appeared. He had the forehead ridge to go with his bushy eyebrows and a beard with sharp points.
“Oh, hey, Worf.” Though Lana sounded bored, her voice dripped with evil. “What brings you here to the Smallville Stargate?”
“Lana Lang,” Worf said sharply with an equally sharp look. “You have acted without honor.”
The Joker's head popped out of Lana's side. “Lana, this guy shouldn't even be here. Be a dear and take him out, won't you?”
Worf marched toward the Stargate. “Where S-G-One failed, I will go back and restore the timeline.”
Wearing a look of disgust, Lana sighed wearily then zapped him. The staff weapon made an almost musical sound as Worf collapsed, landing next to Teal'c.
“I don't think so, Klingon,” Lana said as she stepped over him.
As the Jaffa and the Klingon lay there, Clark found himself flanked by a man and a woman.
“I'm Doctor Janet Frasier,” the woman said.
“Yeah, from before,” Clark said in a groggy voice. He briefly recalled his dream where he was in Sick Bay surrounded by people from “Star Trek.” Among others.
Clark recognized the guy. “Hey, you're Doctor McCoy. Again.”
“Clark, you've got to fight this,” Doctor McCoy said in his urgent kind-of-raspy voice. “Otherwise, you'll lose control. Like Bruce Banner with the Hulk.”
“Who?” Clark said. “Oh, yeah. That guy.”
“Draw on whatever good you can,” Janet said.
”BOO! OUT!” The Joker appeared and kicked them both like footballs. They flew into the Stargate, shouting “whoa” all the way.
The Joker then sat down in a movie theater seat and tossed golf-ball-sized popcorn into his mouth.
“ON WITH THE SHOW!” he shrieked. As he waved his gloved hand, his movie seat roared like a motorcycle and moved away. Into the Stargate and out of sight.
With the Joker gone, Clark slowly rose but found he was slightly unsteady as he tried to stand. When he took tiny steps, he staggered.
Lex Luthor walked in wearing a white suit.
“Now what's all this?” Lex asked with icy sinister calmness.
In her hand, Lana held a rock wrapped in paper. Wearing her bored look, she casually threw it up and down. Not very high, of course.
“S-G-One tried to use the Stargate to send a message back in time. Tried to stop all this from happening.” Lana held out the rock/paper.
“Well,” Lex said as he took it. “We can't have that, can we?”
Lex turned. When he spotted Clark, he showed no surprise. He just put on a grin that, to Clark, was eerie and sinister. Not quite right.
“Hello, Clark.”
“Lex,” Clark said.
With slightly narrow eyes, Lex smiled his not-quite-right smile. “I like how you say that. Fear and dread with just a little bit of hope at the end.”
“Hey, Clark,” Lana said in a bored fake-friendly voice as she looked off.
“I never got around to thanking you,” Lex said.
“For what?” Clark said with a slight cough.
Holding his arms up, Lex gestured around the room. “For all this. It's because of you all this is mine. The Stargate. Smallville. Metropolis. The world.” Wearing an intense look, he held up a finger and jutted it at Clark. “But more than just the world actually. The past. The future. All of time.” Lifting his hands, he gave Clark a not-quite-right grin. “It's all mine, Clark.”
“What do you mean?” Clark asked in a hoarse voice.
Lex responded with a look of feigned surprise. “Haven't you heard, Clark? I'm Emperor of the Earth.”
“He is,” Lana said with her own not-quite-right smile. As she patted Lex on the chest, she looked up at him with an admiring look.
“Especially since I saved Earth from an alien invasion,” Lex said as he put his arm around Lana. She kissed his neck, glancing slyly at Clark as she did.
“No,” Clark said.
“Yeah,” Lana said. “People were so used to obeying petty rules from the United Nations they were okay with obeying 'Emperor Alexander.'” She said the name in a weird hoarse whisper.
“No,” Clark said, shaking his head.
“Oh, yeah, Clark. And you were a big help to my associates as well.” Lex held out his hand to others in the room, three men standing over the unconscious Worf and Teal'c. “Mister Kahn, Mister Zod, and Mister Baal.”
“Hello. I am Kahn.” The man who stepped forward had a white ponytail and wore a white suit. Behind him, the other two men wore shiny black suits.
As he spoke, Kahn stood with his hands on his hips. “And you must be the famous Clark Kent,” he said as he narrowed his eyes.
“Hello, Clark. I am Baal.” A bearded man with a smug grin offered a regal sweep of his hand and a mock bow.
The other man also had a beard along with a very sinister look.
“Clark Kent,” he said in an almost sneering voice. “Or should I call you Kal-El? It's because of you that people on multiple worlds kneel before Zod.”
“No,” Clark said.
Kahn held up one hand as if he were a king summoning a servant. “I was going to take my people out into space. But Lord Baal showed me the future and offered me a better way..”
While Kahn spoke in a voice that was calm and smooth, Zod spoke in a tight growling voice.
“I was going to use my people to rule Earth. But Lord Baal showed me I would just end up in the Phantom Zone.”
As he smirked, Baal spoke in a taunting voice. “So Kahn and Zod joined me as we merged Luthorcorp with RAO Industries and my own corporations.”
“For experiments in genetics,” Kahn said.
“Giving people powers so they could join me,” Zod said.
“Building an army of super-soldiers,” Baal said.
“And experimenting on people with abilities,” Lex said as he held Lana closer. She smiled up at him as Lex gave Clark a subtle smirk.
“Certainly enhanced my new powers,” Lana said. “Thanks, Lex.”
“You're welcome,” Lex said as he kissed her forehead.
As Clark felt something crawl inside him, Lana reached out her hand and the staff weapon flew into it.
“Still nice to fire one of these once in a while,” she said. Lana pointed the crackling staff weapon at Clark then tossed it away. “Still,” she said with an odd blank look. “Too bad about Chloe.” She shrugged and sighed. “A small price to pay on the road to ultimate power, I guess.”
Lex nodded. “It is too bad about Chloe. Don't you think, Clark?”
Clark struggled to catch his breath. “What happened to Chloe?”
“She died in one of the camps,” Lana said with a sullen, not-quite-right look.
“Camps?” Clark said.
With arms extended, Lex strode across the room. “I set up camps all over the world to experiment on people with powers.”
“The thirty-three-point-one camps,” Zod said in a dark voice as he stared with dark eyes.
“Some of the experiments involved Goa-uld symbiotes,” Baal announced with his ever-present smirk.
Gazing off distantly, Kahn held one hand to the sky. “Unfortunately, this Chloe Sullivan did not survive.”
Shrugging, Zod gave a severe “oh, well” look. “The few must be sacrificed for the sake of the many.”
“No,” Clark muttered weakly. He attempted to lunge forward but found himself unable to move. Baal and Kahn both smiled as each man held out a hand in a “stop” gesture. Zod simply scowled. The other two men, along with Lex and Lana, laughed.
It was roaring laughter, and it pounded in Clark's head. He felt dizzy with the world spinning all around him. Like he might fall off the Earth. Like he might go flying at any moment.
As Lex stood at her side, Lana ran her fingers across his bald head. “The people of the world were okay with the camps,” she said softly. “It made them feel safe. Isn't that right, Lex?”
“Oh, absolutely,” Lex said with a serene but smug look.
“We owe you our thanks, Clark,” Baal said with another mock bow.
“All kneel before Kal-El,” Zod said.
“I'll pass,” Lana said.
As Zod, Kahn, and Baal knelt with heads bowed, Baal snorting up a laugh as he did, Lex remained standing along with Lana..
“It makes sense the people of the world trust me to keep them safe,” he said. “I did save them from an alien invasion once.” With a simultaneous smirk-wince-and-frown, Lex put on a look of mock inquiry. “Did I mention that already, Clark?”
A dizzy blinking Clark struggled to stand, to keep his balance. The Joker briefly appeared and stuck him with a pin. “Ow,” Clark said, putting his hand over the tiny hole.
Clark glared at Lex. “Is this because we stopped being friends? S-G-One showed me.” He gasped and panted, his face covered with sweat. “I know in the future you and I are no longer friends.”
“I see no reason we can't be friends now.” Lex swept one hand across the room. “It's because of you I have the Stargate. It's because of you I have the world.” He put his arm around Lana, who gulped from a long champagne glass. “Through my associates I have many other worlds.”
“Once again I'm grateful, Clark. I”m even working on a way to alter time, control it.” He gazed into the event horizon, the sparkling waves of the Stargate. “I can make the world whatever I want it to be.”
“No,” Clark groaned. Suddenly pale with lines under his eyes, Clark held out a hand. “Believe me, Lex, you don't want to do that.”
“Sure I do.” Lex smiled that awful smile as he placed a hand on Clark's shoulder. “And it's all because of you, Clark. Because you saved Edith Keeler.”
“Thank you, Clark,” the others chanted in unison. .
Clark felt a pain worse than kryptonite, and he dropped to his knees.
Lana looked directly at him, her eyes intense and narrow
“It's all your fault, Clark.”
“NO!” Clark shouted as he was pulled through another Stargate wormhole.
He then sailed through the tunnel leading into the Phantom Zone.
He landed with a loud thump, and once again he was in the wilderness with the sandy hills.
Blocking the light of the multiple suns was the dark visage of the Joker.
The Q-clown's raspy voice was now of “Exorcist” caliber.
“Yes, Clarkie-boy. I've worn you down. AND I'VE GOT YOU NOW!”
With eyes wide and glowing, and his smile broad and manic, the Joker pointed his finger. “GET HIM, BOYS!”
The Hulk, the Green Goblin, Doomsday, and Koloth all charged towards Clark.
And plunged inside him.
From her place at Clark's side, Chloe rose.
“Guys?” she said. “Grab on to something. NOW!”
And she promptly vanished in a green-and-yellow swirl.
Clark's eyes popped open. They were tiny yellow bulbous eyes.
He had a black beard on the chin of his green face.
Clark sat up, gray horns on his head and his huge green arms.
“CLARK SMASH!” he shouted and immediately smashed the control panels to his left and right.
“You've been most discourteous, Captain Kirk!” he shrieked then broke out in a high-pitched cackle. Posing like a body-builder, he emitted a hurricane force roar. It sounded like a T-rex from “Jurassic Park.” The huge green arms dangled from a normal-size gray chest draped in silver armor.
L and M dropped to the floor and attached restraints to huge green ankles.
The Clark-Hulk-Doom-Gob-Klingon emitted a shrieking scream as he/it waved its huge green fists.
NEXT EPISODE
ATTACK OF THE CLARK-CREATURE
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