Clark Kent works with a time-traveling SG-1 as they battle the Joker, who has been given the power to invade minds, change time and alter reality.
As Clark sleeps aboard a timemobile operated by Team MacGyver, he is watched over by two
cosmic beings named Cosmic Jonathan and Cosmic Penny.
The timemobile is under attack by Replicators.
“REPLICATOR ATTACK ON CLARK AND FRIENDS”
A SMALLVILLE/STARGATE/STAR TREK STORY-ADVENTURE
ALSO STARRING THE GUYS FROM “THE BIG BANG THEORY”
“Nice,” Angus MacGyver griped. “Armed with phasers and nothing we can do with them.”
With grim eyes, Frank Castle, AKA the Punisher, surveyed the situation. “And a bunch of Replicators all over the ship,” he grunted.
“And they seem to be multiplying really fast,” Raj Koothrappali said, pointing his phaser with a nervous worried look.
“This is the worst thing the Joker could have done,” Leonard Hofstadter groaned. As a mass of spider-like robots closed in, the members of Team MacGyver stood near the cockpit door. They fired their phasers only occasionally.
“I know,” Raj said. He fired his phaser once, sending a Replicator flying and twirling.
“If we try to disintegrate the Replicators,” Howard Wolowitz said.
“We could disintegrate parts of the ship,” Sheldon Cooper said frantically. “We can't do that!”
“For now all we can do is stun them,” Chloe Sullivan said.
“Not working really well,” the Punisher said. Next to him, Cosmic Daniel Jackson pressed buttons on his tricorder.
Sheldon fired his phaser twice in short bursts. Two Replicators twirled around then they both twitched as they rode upside down on other Replicators.
“I don't like this at all,” Sheldon said He would have been completely frantic except he and the other guys were using Mind-Meld. “Why can't we send them away? Our phasers can send things away. They're like mini-transporters. Let's send them away!”
“We can't just send them off to any random universe,” MacGyver said.
“They'll just chew up stuff there,” said M, one of the team's Men In Black. He and L stood back to back, phasers lifted.
“Better than chewing us up,” Howard muttered.
“Is there a way to send them back to the Joker?” Sheldon asked.
“I wish,” Leonard said.
Cautiously, L fired his phaser. “If we don't do something fast, the timemobile flies apart.”
“And us with it,” Leonard said.
“Don't say that,” from Sheldon.
M looked around. “Once the timemobile is gone, the Replicators end up in the past.”
“And so do we,” L said.
“With no way back,” MacGyver said.
“Nice work, Joker,” the Punisher said.
“Oh, I hate the Joker,” Sheldon said.
Cosmic Jonathan Kent and Cosmic Penny, along with their patient, an unconscious Clark Kent, stood inside a Penny-generated force field. As the female cosmic being noted earlier, she had the powers of the Invisible Woman.
Now, she thought, if only there was a way to get rid of these Replicators. .
She felt something hit her foot. Reacting, she kicked up a black mini-boot.
“Jonathan!” she shouted.
There was a Replicator at her feet. It had already chewed a hole large enough for some time current to blow in.
“Must have been hidden near the Sick Bay table!” Cosmic Jonathan grunted-shouted.
“Or the Joker popped it in here,” C-Penny shouted over the noise.
C-Jonathan looked around. “If I open a portal to move Clark out of here, it might worsen Clark's condition!”
“And maybe we can't get back,” C-Penny said. “If the timemobile gets eaten!”
“And we'd have a dangerous Clark running around in the past,” C-Jonathan noted. He kicked the Replicator. Which at least stopped it from eating.
It was kind of funny, Penny thought. This powerful cosmic being kicking a metal spider. But Jonathan was only a Healer with limited powers.
“Well, that helps,” C-Penny said. “But I'm kind of busy holding the force fields in place. What are our options?”
“Can't transport out,” C-Jonathan said. “Not a long-range transport anyway. It'll just destabilize Clark. Make his condition irreversible.”
“Yeah,” C-Penny said as C-Jonathan kept kicking. “Somehow I don't think the kids at Smallville High are gonna wanna hang out with Clark-Doomsday-Hulk.”
C-Jonathan nodded to the hole in the timemobile, the one C-Penny had plugged with a force field. “Obviously we can't send the Replicators out that way. They'll just end up in the past chewing up stuff.”
“That would not exactly be good for the past on Prime Earth.” C-Penny crossed her arms over her red Starfleet uniform. “Yeah, Jonathan. I'm hearing a lot about what we can't do. What can we do? Because having Clark on a timemobile being ravaged by Replicators isn't very good for his health either, you know.”
“I know!” C-Jonathan shouted as he kicked some more. “It's up to the guys now.”
C-Penny looked out at the area beyond Sick Bay.
How were the guys doing?
Clark groaned softly.
“The guys don't seem to be doing that great,” C-Penny said.
“Come on, Penny. Tell me some good news.” He gritted his teeth as he stomped. “Like you said earlier, tell me what we can do!”
It was then Clark jumped out of bed. He stood there with a weird look on his face. Though spattered with gray and green, it was still a human-looking face. For now.
“Oh, no,” C-Penny said. “What's he going to do now?”
Howard turned to Cosmic Daniel Jackson.
“Isn't there something more you and your cosmic friends could do?” Howard grumbled.
“Working on it, Howard,” Cosmic Daniel said calmly as he pressed buttons on a tricorder “There's a lot of interference from the Joker.”
“So what else is new?” Leonard asked.
“This is different,” Chloe said. “This timemobile has become Target Zero for the Joker, the focus of all his attention.”
“Just drop me off anywhere,” Sheldon said.
Chloe gave him a look. “Believe me, Sheldon, there are places out there you don't want to go. And Daniel is doing what he can.”
As he nodded, Cosmic Daniel had a slightly pained look on his face. “Jonathan, Penny, and I are using whatever mental power we can to keep the ship from flying apart instantly.” He grunted softly. “But there's a lot interfering with our concentration, obviously.”
“And that's it?” Sheldon said with his slight East Texas accent. “You don't seem like very impressive cosmic beings to me at all.”
“You guys really need to learn to multitask,” Raj said as he fired again.
“Working on it,” C-Daniel said as he pressed more buttons on the tricorder.
“Can you hurry?” Howard asked. “We're up against an all-powerful Joker.”
“He's not all-powerful.” Cosmic Daniel held out his tricorder. “Guys? Set your phasers for this empty universe.”
They all adjusted their phaser settings and fired away rapidly.
“I don't like this,” Sheldon said.
“Yeah,” Leonard said. “It's like some disappear but twice as many appear.”
“It's like they're super-Replicators,” Raj said.
“They are,” C-Daniel said grimly.
“Yeah,” from Chloe. “But don't worry, guys. We've got a solution.”
Chloe looked over at Sick Bay.
Clark was up. He was standing.
Was that good or bad?
The floor of the timemobile creaked. Again.
Inside the force-field-protected Sick Bay section, Clark stood there with that weird look on his face.
“Oh, no,” C-Penny said. “Is he going to turn back into that Doomsday-Hulk-Klingon thing-y?”
There was a brief look of recognition on Clark's face, like he just snapped out of some kind of spell. Looking down, he stomped on the Replicator then used his heat vision to turn it into slag. Then he lay back down and closed his eyes.
For a moment, Cosmic Penny stood there blinking in amazement, her mouth open. Then:
“Clark was himself again,” she said. .
“Only for a moment,” C-Jonathan shouted.
“Yeah, but a good moment for it to happen, don't you think?” She put out her hand and created a force field to cover the hole in the floor. The noise of the time currents stopped.
“Always hated listening to people from other times talk,” she murmured.
“Thanks,” C-Jonathan said quietly.
C-Penny lightly clapped her hands. “So. Clark is back to normal again, right?”
“Afraid not,” C-Jonathan said as he shook his head. “He keeps switching on and off. Just like he did when he was on Vulcan. We have to get him to the medical base.”
C-Penny looked out at the rec room area. “Oh, look! The guys are sending away the Replicators. Oh!” she groaned. “More keep showing up.”
“We have to get to that base,” C-Jonathan insisted.
“I hear you, Jonathan,” C-Penny said. “But I gotta tell you. It's not looking real good right now.”
As Leonard stood next to MacGyver firing his phaser, he nodded toward MacGyver's phaser. “What is that?” he asked.
The man with the mullet briefly turned the phaser in his hand. “Oh, this? Just something I made out of spare parts from wrecked phasers.”
“Seems to work well,” Leonard said. He kicked away a Replicator near his foot.
“We need something a lot more powerful,” MacGyver said.
“True, dude,” Raj said. “If these things are super-Replicators, we need a super-phaser.”
“As Colonel O-Neill would say, 'Thanks a lot, Joker,'” Howard said as phasers continued to fire.
Sheldon looked at his phaser with slight disdain. “Raj is right. We need a super-phaser.”
“Not sure I have time to invent one,” MacGyver said drily.
“Too much talking!” the Punisher shouted.
Sheldon did a take, shoulders up, eyes wide with alarm. “Wait!” he yelped. “Who's driving the timemobile. It's not Archie, is it?”
“Sheldon, please,” Leonard groaned.
“Bigger things, Sheldon,” Cosmic Daniel said.
“Oh, sure, while you just stand there,” Sheldon griped.
“Concentrating on holding the ship together,” C-Daniel said crisply.
“Archie should not be driving the timemobile!”
“Now is not the time, Sheldon,” MacGyver said.
Chloe lightly touched his arm. “Sheldon? Everything will be all right.”
Sheldon looked down at her. “How can you say that?”
Chloe glanced at C-Daniel. “We've arrange some...reinforcements.”
Time current blew in from several holes in the floor. It sounded like howling and groaning from ghosts.
The floor creaked once again.
Though the “Big Bang” guys continued to fire phasers, each guy had a blank look on his face.
The four guys from Pasadena had fully retreated into Mind-Meld.
That's what the guys did.
When a situation became too intense, the guys escaped completely into Mind-Meld.
Mind-Meld allowed the guys to act on the outside while sharing their thoughts in a mental virtual reality..
While they were in Mind-Meld-Defense-Mode, they operated video game consoles in the apartment of Sheldon and Leonard. They watched the events in the outside world on a TV set.
The Punisher stood in the center of the group. It was their mind-link with him that allowed the guys to fire their phasers with instinctive accuracy.
“You're blocking my spot,” Sheldon complained.
“Sit somewhere else,” the Punisher said harshly as he fired a Wii phaser.
“Dude,” Raj said.
“Not cool,” Howard said.
Leonard had his feet up on the table as he operated his video game console. “Yeah, you don't want to do that,” he said casually.
The Punisher scowled. “Oh, yeah? Why's that?”
“Because out there we may be nerds,” Raj said.
“But in here things of the mind and the imagination count,” Howard said.
“In here we rule,” Leonard said.
To prove that point, Sheldon morphed into his own version of a Hulk-Doomsday-Klingon hybrid in a purple Galactus helmet. The Sheldon creature emitted a hurricane-force roar.
The Punisher quickly moved.
“Told ya,” Leonard said without even looking.
“This is our world.” Howard held his arms up. “Recognize!”
They continued to operate their consoles with rapid clicking while they wore their “Star Trek” uniforms. Sheldon was in command gold, Leonard in blue, Raj and Howard in red.
“I'm taking out more Replicators than you, dude,” Raj said.
“I'll catch up,” Howard said.
“Take that, you little dickens,” Sheldon said with a grin.
Sighing, the Punisher tossed aside his Wii phaser.
Leonard watched the TV.
“Wow, those Replicators are really piling up.” Then he leaned forward. “Wait a minute. Something's happening.”
“Something worse?” Sheldon asked.
“Maybe,” Leonard said.
Raj and Howard stared at the TV.
Suddenly two figures appeared. One was tall and thin with glasses and a thin mustache. He wore a tie and had a shirt pocket full of pens. With his pocket protector, he looked like an accountant.
The other guy was short, dark-haired, and clean-shaven. He had pale cheeks and appeared to be glowing. To Leonard, he looked like Bouncing Boy from the Legion of Substitute Heroes. A thinner version.
When this pale glowing guy dashed around; he was almost like Clark on super-speed. He threw the Replicators into a large pile.
The thin mustache guy put out an open palm. The Replicator pile was caught up in what looked like black-and-white TV static.
And then the Replicators were all gone.
As the team stood there in stunned silence, wind blew in from the holes in the floor.
“I got this,” Penny said as she generated a series of small forces fields.
Leonard stared at the two guys. “Who are you?” he asked.
The pale glowing one smiled. “Duncan Allenmeyer,” he said.
NEXT
DUNCAN
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