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Posts: 69
Join Date: Jan 2006
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I found this on Rotten Tomatoes:
As promised here's the Kevin Smith story on the Hollywood executive who produced Batman:
K. Smith gets the greenlight from Warner Bros. to go ahead and write the script for a new Superman movie back around '97/98-ish. But they say he has to get final approval from the producer Jon Peters, who has the rights to the movie. So he drives to this guy's mansion, which looks lot like the secluded Wayne Manor. This guy got started int he business by being Barbara Streisand's hairdresser. So Smith shows him an outline of the script and the guy doesn't read it really (rumor is he can't really read, we'll get to that later), but he tells Smith he can write it on three conditions for writing the screenplay:
1. Superman can't wear his usual outfit or any costume at all (too prissy - and this guy was a hairdresser)
2. Superman can't fly around druing any point in the movie (too faggie)
3. Somewhere during the third act Superman must fight a GIANT SPIDER!!! Why? Because "they are the fiercest fighters in the animal kingdom."
So Smith just nods and agrees simply because he is a HUGE comic fan and just wants to pen the stupid thing. He gets back to Warner Bros. and the execs there are like "good, he's gonna let you write. But did he mention the spider thing?" "Yes." "Him and his giant spider!" "Okay, write it in, but call something different than a "giant spider.""
So Kevin finishes the script and heads back to this guy's mansion to drop it off, but he doesn't let Smith go yet. Kev's about to head out and the guy says, "Hey wait, I want you to read the script back to me." Kevin wants to get his script approved, so he starts reading the script to the guy, but wait just there. The guy says "wait, I have to get in position to hear it", so he lays on the couch, holds his arms up like a field goal, and has K. Smith then read the script to him from behind his head. He does this in order to "visualize the film." This also supports the rumour that this guy doesn't actally read anything.
So K. Smith starts reading to him, and gets tired of saying Superman all the time, so he starts calling him by his different names ala his chosen Krypton name, Kal-El, also uses the nickname,The Man of Steele, and so forth. So about a 1/3 of the way through the guy says "Who the blank is Kal-El?" and Smith says "Well, that's Supermans Kryptonian name." And he questions him again "Kryptonian? What's that?" Smith retorts, "You know, Krypton - the planet that he's originally from." "Oh yes, the big planet in the sky. Go on," the Hollywood producer replied.
So somewhere along the line Smith inserts the spider, gets his script approved and then they're in business again. But hold on. After LEGENDARY Hollywood producer Jon Peters sees Smith's Chasing Amy, he tells Smith "We need a gay type of character in this movie. Could Braniac have a side kick?" Smith replies, "like a robot or something?" "Yeah, that's what we need: A gay robot for Braniac!" says Peters. This guy's serious too. So Smith includes it too, since he wants his job as scriptwriter for Superman.
After Smith gives in to all this guy's wishes - Tim Burton is hired as director and has final say in the script. Oh, yeah, I forgot Jon Peters wants Sean Penn as Superman, because he saw Dead Man Walking and saw the "Cold, black eyes of a killer in there." Makes sense, I guess. But anyway Burton hires some other dude to write the script so Smith is done with Superman, but still got paid I gather.
Anyway, about a year later Smith is watching a film Peters produced called, you all know the disaster of a film, The Wild Wild West w/ w smith. As Smith is watcing this travesty, near the end, you guessed it, a GIANT SPIDER comes onto the screen and fights our heros in a duel to the death!!!
These are the people that control what goes in the theaters - influencing the dreams of a future of young filmgoers. Wow! The ingorance of the hire ups and I wrote this excluding some other hilario details.
Hope you survived the read and enjoyed it.
.... so I guess anything has to be better than that, right?
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